Communication

What a word, seems like such a simple concept doesn't it?

But we all know that it isn't.

Wikipedia defines communication as follows:

Communication is the activity of conveying meaningful information. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender's intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast distances in time and space. Communication requires that the communicating parties share an area of communicative commonality. The communication process is complete once the receiver has understood the sender.

Whether you are trying to communicate with your co workers, your boss, your family or your partner there are all kinds of things that go into how you effectively go about communicating an important message.

I will NOT claim to be an expert, a work in progress is far more like it. Verrrrrrrry much in progress. While I consider myself a great resource to those looking for better ways to communicate, I can't say that I am as good at turning the tables on myself. The closer I am to the situation personally, the worse I become at communicating. Either I over think it and make things a bigger deal then they need to be, OR worse, I try to stop myself from over thinking and end up approaching the situation with zero sensitivity, and communicate nothing other than the opposite of what I intended. (I believe I have an earlier post about owning your mistakes, at least I'm getting good at that one :)

When dealing with an important message to communicate the best advice I have is FORETHOUGHT.

Here are my "prescribed" steps: What, Why, Who, How, When, Where (this may not be the order that you are accustomed to, but in this case, this order of operations is important)


1-First get a clear idea of what your goal is; are you trying to make a point? an argument? communicate a point of view? sway someone in a certain direction?


2- Figure out your WHY? Why do you want to communicate this? For someone or somethings best interest? To further a personal goal? To make for better business?

3- Who are you trying to communicate this to? Is it your boss? a loved one? A stranger? A group? The who is extremely important, as everyone hears things differently and when approaching something like this it's important to be really clear on who the person is and how they perceive things.

4- How, as I said in #3, everyone hears things differently, in general, and depending on who it is coming from. I believe in catering to your audience (though as I said earlier, I do not even come close to always getting it right). If you are speaking to your boss your language might be different then if you are talking to your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. One might be more straightforward, with facts, and point form notes, whereas another may need to be more emotional, more sensitive. Think about the person you are talking to, what they best respond to. Take note of what makes them defensive, because if you put someone on the defensive, they probably will not hear you. Do they react well to some sugaring up? Or do they see through that and need you to get to the point, and then back it up?

5- When; timing is everything. If you are talking to you boss for example, it may not be best to approach them when they are stressed and have a ton on their plate, maybe Friday afternoons are good, or maybe Monday mornings are. Use your knowledge of the person to guide you towards the best time to talk to them. If your goal is to ask for a raise, the best time might not be on the day when payroll comes out... you get my drift?

6- Where; based on what you have now considered on the above, it's important to consider where this goes down. Are you talking to your mate about an important life situation? If so, maybe your date at a restaurant isn't the best place to bring this up! Make sure that where you discuss the issue lends to your goal.

I can't guarantee that if you take these steps prior to communicating something that your goal will be achieved, but I can say that it increases your chances that it will be. And if nothing else, the person you are addressing is likely to be more receptive, and will probably appreciate that you didn't take matters lightly, thought through clearly what you wanted to say, and that regardless of getting what you may have wanted out of the situation, it probably won't end negatively.

When emotions are involved especially, we can't predict the outcome of anything, but what we can do is try to set up a situation which strives for success, and coherence. When we are emotional our thoughts tend to get rambled and mixed up. We are considering so many factors; wanting to get a point across while not hurting anyone, etc. This exercise may not even play out when you actually sit down to have the conversation, but at least you will have given yourself a clearer understanding prior, so when it happens and you are reacting off the cuff, you will have thought through everything and hopefully this will help get your message across, the way you meant to.

Have any experiences with this yourself? Find these steps useful? Disagree? Agree? Let me know your thoughts!